Monday, February 28, 2011

Carnival - Day II

Nassau, Bahamas - What makes Nassau so special? Picture an idyllic place with stretches of perfect white-sand beaches, gracefully swaying coconut palms offering oases of shade, and warm, crystal-clear waters revealing the secrets of incredible multi-colored marine life. Whether you spend the day shopping for duty-free gifts and mementos, taking a carriage ride past sorbet-colored buildings, or touring in a glass-bottom boat, chances are you'll leave this happy place in the Bahamas with lots of beautiful memories.

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Carnival - Day I

We'll wake up this morning in Miami Florida. Sun and fun. Do you see the cruise ships? We're going to be on the Carnival Glory early this afternoon. We will be having lunch on the Lido deck with our blogging buddies. Empress Bee is the queen of the cruise. Well, she called it first as she always does. I'm Princess-Because-I-Said-So. We have a couple of Duchesses too. I'll have a tiara which you will all get to see me wear when I return home. You'll just have to wait.

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Crossing the U.S.A.

We start out the morning around 3:00am so we can get to Sacramento International Airport, get our vehicle parked and check in. Our flight leaves at 6:15am so we can't fool around.

Then we can do some breakfast and coffee and then get mauled by the TSA. I think I'll just do the body scan as I don't want some stranger feeling me up. Just saying.

Friday, February 25, 2011

Miami Here We Come

This begins our much awaited Eastern Caribbean cruise on Carnival Glory. We will spend the night in Sacramento (near the airport) and have dinner with friends.

Tomorrow morning we are off to the Sacramento International Airport on our way to Miami. We have to change planes in Dallas/Forth Worth International Airport, and then on to Miami International Airport. To say we are excited about this trip is an understatement.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Spammers Beware

Just so you know my blog will be monitored while we are on vacation. Lois of Lowdown from Lois will be busting then deleting all spammers while we are gone.

So spammers beware. Lois is on duty and she hates spammers worse that I do. Don't say I didn't warn you. Go Lois! Hugs


Tomorrow we start our Carnival Cruise vacation and that means today is a very busy day. We have to make sure that everything is packed and ready to go for our departure tomorrow afternoon. Our granddaughter will be house/dog sitting while we are away so we are going shopping this afternoon to stock up on the food they like. We are leaving and they are moving in for the next 11 days. Our Little Bit won't like it that we are gone, but if we leave her in a kennel she won't eat. As long as she's home she does okay. She will cry when we return. Tears of joy crying. She is such a precious dear.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

She Said...She Meant

A mans guide to what a woman is really saying:

I just need some space..... without you in it.

Do I look fat in this dress?... we haven't had a fight in a while.

No, Pizza is fine..... you cheap slob!

Tuesday, February 22, 2011


An old farmer went to town to see a movie. The ticket agent asked, "Sir, what's that on your shoulder?"

The old farmer said, "That's my pet rooster Chucky, wherever I go, Chucky goes."

"I'm sorry sir," said the ticket agent, "We don't allow animals in the theater."

Monday, February 21, 2011

Mommy, I'm Sick

A little nine year old girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill. "Mommy," she said. "Can we leave now?"

"No," her mother replied.

"Well, I think I have to throw up!"

Sunday, February 20, 2011

The Broadway Show

A man took his wife to a Broadway show. During the first intermission he had to attend to natures call in the worst way, so he hurried to find the bathrooms. He searched in vain for the bathrooms, but he finally found a beautiful fountain with foliage, and since nobody was watching, he decided to take a relieve himself right there.

Saturday, February 19, 2011


Rules Guys wished Girls knew...

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

2. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up, put it down.

3. Don't cut your hair. Ever.

Friday, February 18, 2011

Favorite Flower

While attending a marriage seminar on communication, Jim and his wife listened to the instructor declare: "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.

"He addressed the men: "For instance, gentlemen, can you name your wife's favorite flower?"

Thursday, February 17, 2011

New Words

The local newspaper recently asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are this year's winners:

Wednesday, February 16, 2011


A crusty old Army Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic liberal ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.

"Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?"

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Nancy and Harry

Nancy Pelosi called Harry Reid into her office one day and said, "Harry, I have a plan to win back Middle America in 2012!"

"Great Nancy , but how?" asked Harry.

Monday, February 14, 2011

My Name

What Sandee Clark Means:

S is for Spontaneous

A is for Athletic

N is for Natural

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Words of Wisdom

If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

Never buy a car you can’t push.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Laws - Part IV

The Romans would crush a first-time rapist’s gonads between two stones.

In China, women are prohibited from walking around a hotel room in the nude. A woman may be naked only while in the bathroom.

Friday, February 11, 2011

Laws - Part III

In Tibet, many years ago, the law required all women prostitute themselves. This was seen as a way to gain sexual experience prior to marriage.

“Female breasts,” according to the Arizona Supreme Court, don’t constitute“private parts” under state law.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Laws - Part II

Up until 1884, a woman could be sent to prison for denying a husband sex.

In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception, prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only “in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises.”

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Laws - Part I

As recently as 1990, these states had laws against the use of dildos: Idaho, Utah, Arizona, Oklahoma, Minnesota, Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, Georgia, South Carolina, North Carolina, Virginia, Maryland, Massachusetts, Rhode Island and Washington D.C.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

The Prospector

An old prospector shuffled into town leading a tired old pack mule. The old man headed straight for the only saloon to clear his parched throat.

He walked up and tied his old mule to the hitching rail. As he stood there brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.

Monday, February 7, 2011

Smart A$$

Two businessmen in Florida were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store..As yet, the store wasn’t ready, with only a few shelves set up. One said to the other, “I bet any minute now some senior is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we’re selling.”

Sunday, February 6, 2011

The Blonde

A man met a beautiful blonde woman and decided he wanted to marry her right away.

She said, ‘But we don’t know anything about each other..’

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Blog Survey

Greg of The De-evolution of Man did a fun survey he called Greg Answers the Blog Survey. He didn't tag me to do this, but I thought it was pretty cool and decided to complete the survey myself. Well, it mostly means that I don't have any brilliant ideas for another post. So here goes:
  1. If you have pets, do you see them as merely animals, or are they members of your family?

Friday, February 4, 2011

How is Norma?

A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph 's Hospital. She timidly asked, "Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?"

The operator said, "I'll be glad to help, dear. What's the name and room number of the patient?"

Thursday, February 3, 2011

The Career Girl

The beautiful young career girl had one unhappy trait, she would fall head over heels in love with a different man each week, always with the conviction that her latest beau was the man of her dreams, with whom she could live happily ever after.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Old Fart Football

An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and says, ‘Seven Points.'

His wife rolls over and says, 'What in the world was that?'

The old man replied, 'its called fart football.'